Love Means Never Having to Say You're Delusional
by JoBethMegAmy. my homegirls
Summary: Oneshot that treats the idea of Jane being kidnapped and handcuffed to a bed as something you don't just make jokes and say "what ho, good times!" about two minutes after the fact.


**A/N: **I didn't think an R&I ending could bother me as much as last week's. Guess I was wrong.

This oneshot picks up with Frankie taking Jane home after rescuing her. So to be fair, it's stuff that the episode just never really got into.

* * *

"Frankie, you missed the turn-off for my street…"

"That's because we're not going to your street."

"Where—?"

"Maura asked me to take you to her place," Frankie said stoically, keeping his eyes on the road and both hands firmly on the steering wheel.

Jane bit her cheek and stared out the window. She was kneading her hands and feeling as though her heart was still hammering way too hard and fast to be normal. "Did she…" Jane cleared her throat, trying to sound casual and knowing she was failing miserably. "Was Maura there? Was she with you guys when you were watching?"

After a loaded pause, Frankie gruffly responded, "Yeah. Yeah, she was." At the sound of what could have been a frustrated or annoyed sound from his sister, Frankie defensively said, "What? Maura's your best friend, Jane, and you were supposed to be meeting us, remember? When you didn't show, she freaked out. Of course she was gonna be with us. Jane." He stole a glance over at his sister, but Jane didn't return it, preferring to just continue staring out the window. "Jane. C'mon. She loves you." Jane turned to look at him so fast, Frankie thought he heard her neck snap. _Wow. She's definitely sensitive about that. _"You guys are best friends, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Jane finally grumbled. "So she…"

"So…she… of all people should have been there! Jane, only a jackass of a best friend wouldn't have been with us when all this was going on."

"I didn't want her to ever see me like that," Jane whispered.

"Like what?"

"Damn it, Frankie, _really?_"

Frankie went for another tack. "Jane, look at it this way. She did everything but come along with us packing heat. Remember when she was kidnapped by Paddy Doyle? You had no idea where she was, and you'd have given anything to know she was safe. And then I came by your apartment in the middle of the night, and Maura was there. You were doing your job, you were making sure she was okay. Oh," he said in a slightly louder voice when Jane tried to step in, "or how about the time you couldn't get a hold of her, and it turned out Doyle was holding her and Tommy hostage? Yeah, Tommy told me about that. You came in guns blazing, ready to kick ass _just _because Maura hadn't answered her phone. How the hell can you be upset with Maura for being so anxious that she wants to be with you?"

Clearly Jane hadn't been expecting such a thorough response. The rest of the car ride was silent, and Frankie gave himself a mental pat on the back for finally having beaten Jane in an argument. What he didn't realize was that the argument was still raging in Jane's head: _I'm supposed to be the strong one. I'm supposed to be the one who's brave and on top of it. I'm the one with the gun and the badge and she's the pretty one in the dress with the degree. That means I'm not the one who gets kidnapped. I'm not the one who's supposed to be weak._

_ Aw, hell. What am I, seven?_

When they reached Maura's house, Jane groaned, "You didn't tell Ma what happened, did you?"

"Geez, Jane, you were in the car with me when I made the call!"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I sort of… I was distracted."

"We told her you got kidnapped, but that's all. We didn't tell her it was delusional Dominic and that you were cuffed to a bed." An uncontrollable shiver passed through him. "She'll be worried, but you should be able to shake her off okay. If you wear your jacket, she won't be able to see the marks on your wrists, and then she won't have to know he hurt you at all."

"I know, Frankie," Jane grunted, already rolling down the sleeves of her jacket. Then, when they pulled into Maura's driveway, Jane sighed heavily and said, "I'm sorry, Frankie. I know you're just trying to help me."

"I _am _on your side, you know," he said.

"I know. Thanks, little brother." She leaned over the seat and pulled him into a tight hug before getting out of the car. Clenching her hands into fists, Jane walked stiffly towards the porch, taking a deep breath to steady herself. She wanted to wait for Frankie to drive off, but after a few moments, realized he wasn't going anywhere until he saw her go inside.

The second Jane rang the bell, Angela yanked it open and engulfed her in a hug. Frankie honked and drove off once he saw Jane get dragged into this house and the door shut after her. Predictably, Angela was sobbing as she held her daughter as close as physically possible. From over her mother's shoulder, Jane could see Maura standing awkwardly by the couch, restrained and red-eyed.

In an effort to comfort both Maura and her mother, Jane said, "Ma, c'mon! I'm fine, really."

"We didn't know where you were—and then Frankie said you'd been kidnapped—"

"Yeah, by the crazy killer we've been trying to find, so we got him!" Jane said. "Yay! See? We'd never have known otherwise. That's the risk of the job, Ma, I've faced worse."

"You got off so lucky!"

"Yes, it's true, I did," Jane said patiently, rubbing Angela's back as their hug continued. "That could've been a lot worse and it could've lasted a lot longer. I'm just lucky Frost's a genius and they were able to find me. But see?" She finally extricated herself from Angela's death-grip. "No harm done. I'm fine."

"H-he didn't hurt you?" Angela asked, brushing her hands along Jane's arms.

Jane couldn't help glancing at Maura, who quickly averted her gaze. "He didn't hurt me," Jane said with a gentle smile. "I'm okay, Ma, really. Just another day at the office."

The casualness of this remark sent Angela into another fit of tears, and it was several minutes before Jane had sufficiently calmed her down. Finally Angela had been comforted enough to return to the guest house, leaving Jane and Maura alone. Jane wasn't suddenly wasn't sure if she was glad or anxious about this.

After several long moments, Jane brought back her façade of would-be casualness. "So Frankie said you wanted him to bring me here."

Slightly put off by Jane's tone, Maura said, "I thought Angela would want to see you." One slightly more vulnerable look from Jane pushed her to add in a softer voice, "I wanted to see you."

Jane shrugged uncomfortable. "Well—here I am!"

"Do you want to change out of those clothes?" Maura asked, fighting to keep her voice level. Once she had been assured of Jane's safety, she had gone home and waited with Angela, both of them deciding to slip into comfort clothes—pajamas. "You've got some sweats here, I think. And probably a t-shirt or two."

For the first time since her rescue, Jane looked down and noticed she was still wearing the outfit Dominic had put her in. The realization made her jump slightly and take a step back, as if the clothes had burned her. She looked quickly back at Maura with a look that dared her to laugh, but it was clear from Maura's expression that laughter was far from her mind.

In a voice that was a bit more gentle but still on the defense, Jane said, "Yeah. I think I do want to change." As they walked to the bedroom, Jane made another attempt to salvage her crumbling pretense of bravery with humor, her usual smokescreen: "I mean, can you believe what this guy put me in? Did you see these ruffles? And the pink come-and-get-it heels? This guy did _not _stalk me very well!"

Maura offered Jane a weak smile over her shoulder, opening her closet and gesturing to a shelf inside it filled with casual wear. "Take what you like," she said quietly before passing Jane and walking back into the living room.

Maura sat fidgeting on the couch until Jane reemerged wearing a pair of her own gray sweats and an old tank top. Jane wanted to make another joke, to shrug this whole evening off as nothing but a bad dream that would soon become just another bad memory for her arsenal—but that wasn't possible when Maura Isles was looking at her this way. Maura got up off the couch and in a few small steps reached Jane, throwing her arms around her.

"You're safe," Maura whispered into Jane's shoulder.

"Maura—Maura, you're shaking," Jane said, not really sure what to make of that observation.

"Of course I'm shaking, Jane, that's a very natural reaction to accompany fear," Maura said, pulling back.

"Fear? Maura, what d'you have to be afraid of? I'm fine now! He didn't hurt me!"

"I _saw _you!" Maura cried, and Jane's expression told her that the detective already knew this and wasn't keen to talk about it. "And Jane, we—it looked just like your bedroom, so Korsak and Frost and your brother ran to your apartment and I had to wait there, I had to keep watching to make sure nothing happened to you before they got there, and then it was all a set-up!"

Jane was trying not be angry; she knew it wasn't Maura's fault. It wasn't anyone's fault but Dominic's, the sick bastard. But she hated—_hated —_that Maura had seen her trapped like that. She was forcibly reminded of the time Hoyt had gotten the drop on her, on them both, but at least then Jane had still been able to summon the strength to take him. Then she lets her guard down and gets tasered by some doughy nutjob and can't get out herself?

"You spend so much time making sure everyone knows you're strong," Maura said shakily, guessing at what Jane was thinking. Her hands gripped Jane's forearms, keeping her from walking away. "It's exhausting; I don't know how you do it. I was terrified, Jane. I was afraid we would lose you, and we had no idea where you were—and I just—I want to be strong for you, and I can't!"

"Maura! Sweetheart, what d'you mean?" Jane whispered, pulling her arms out of Maura's loosened grip so she could move her hands to the woman's shoulders. "Maura, please! Don't cry, it's all right—"

"No, no it's not!" Maura sniffed, breaking away and waving her hand at Jane. "Look at you! Trying to act like nothing happened, like you're fine, and I should be able to just laugh it all off with you, and I can't—"

"Nobody asked you to do that, Maura. You don't have to laugh it off."

"Well then why do _you? _Jane, you don't have to make a joke out of everything. It makes me feel like I'm handling it wrong, or that, I don't know, I'm about to get one of those looks from you that says I'm slow or that I missed out on some sort of cue—"

Jane's hands had reflexively balled into fists again. "Maura, I just don't want to talk about it, okay? You saw me, you've made that pretty clear. I thought I was gonna piss myself, I was so scared. If I'd known you were watching—"

"What, you would have told me a joke?"

"I would've told you—" Jane cut off abruptly; her mind had gone in too many directions at once as to how she could finish that sentence. Rather than use words, she took a step towards Maura and pulled her into another embrace. She was breathing heavily, and it felt good to have Maura lean her full weight against her, gripping her tightly. It gave Jane enough courage to continue: "I don't know what I'd have done, Maura. I only know how much I'd have hated being in your shoes and seen _you _in the position I was in tonight."

Maura let out another dry sob, forcing down the words that threatened to come out. She had physically recoiled every time she saw Dominic place a tender hand on Jane in a gross imitation of romance. Jane likewise bit back explaining the horror she had felt when she had woken up with Dominic stroking her face—how for some reason she had expected to open her eyes and see Maura there. How she had _wanted _to see Maura there.

"Will you stay?" Maura whispered. "Stay the night? We can share my bed."

Jane gulped and pulled away again. "I dunno, Maura. I don't really…"

"Or the couch," Maura offered, wondering if Jane was going to feel uncomfortable with the notion of sleeping in any bed that wasn't hers for a while.

And Maura was so eager that Jane couldn't turn her down.

A few moments later they were sitting on the couch together, an old blanket slung over them, neither of them speaking for a long time.

Finally, Jane asked, "Are you going to sleep out here, too?"

Her tone was difficult to read. "Would you like me to?" Maura asked.

Staring at the floor, Jane mumbled, "Would you rather…I mean, if you'd rather be in your bed, I'd underst—"

"There's nowhere I'd rather be," Maura interrupted gently, "then right here." To emphasize this, she moved closer, her arm under the blanket finding one of Jane's.

Trembling, Jane leaned forward and allowed herself to be held in yet another embrace. She sighed as she felt Maura's arms wrap tenderly around her, encouraging Jane to put her own arm around Maura's waist. Maura was overcome with the desire to do more, to at least kiss Jane's forehead, but she was wary of doing anything that even slightly resembled the way Dominic had treated Jane tonight. His was a delusion of romance; at this point, Maura could still pass off her intimacy as nothing more than friendly. _I'm not deluded enough to believe Jane's in love with me…_

She had leaned a little further down on the couch, nearly on her back with Jane on top of her. Noting that Jane's breathing was finally normal, Maura wondered if she'd finally gone to sleep. She reached awkwardly behind her to shut off the lamp, plunging them into semi-darkness, the light from a streetlamp pouring in through curtains Maura had failed to shut all the way. For a second she considered closing them, but that would require getting up, which was the last thing she wanted to do right now.

Maura rubbed her hand gently up and down Jane's back, finding herself very satisfied with the position of caregiver. Too often, their positions had been reversed in scenarios like these: Maura was the damsel in distress, Jane was the one who kept a cool head, who reveled in being the protector. And now Maura knew why: it felt wonderful to feel as though she was a comfort, as though she was somehow chasing away Jane's most nightmarish visions. This was the kind of charity that was soft, unsung—most sorely needed.

She jerked a bit when Jane suddenly spoke up. "Maura?"

"Yes?"

"Curtain's open."

"Do you want me to close it?"

"No." Another long pause. "Maura?"

"Yes, Jane?"

"Shut your eyes."

"They're already closed."

But they opened right up again when she felt Jane's lips very purposefully connect with her jaw. It was a soft kiss and too quick for Maura's liking, but Jane then left another one a little further up, close to the corner of Maura's mouth.

"Thank you," Jane whispered. _Ball's in your corner. Take it from here. Tell me to leave or tell me it's all right to feel this way about you_.

Jane got her answer when Maura hugged her a little closer, ducking her head just enough to capture Jane's mouth in another gentle kiss. "Any time, Jane."

"Any time?"

"You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not."

"How stuck we talking, here?"

"Well," Maura said with a smile Jane couldn't quite see. "You're the one who started this, detective. So you tell me."

Jane smiled against Maura's neck, giving it a quick kiss and loving the subtle feel of Maura's body reacting beneath her. "Well, it may be the case that if we ever get around to having that family meeting _you _set up, we may have something a little happier to share with Ma than the news about Tommy."

"Oh, I'm all in favor of that."

* * *

**A/N**: Thanks for reading. Wow. As someone who usually freaks out at the thought of writing oneshots, I'm surprised how many ones these recent episodes have made me want to write. It's getting very distracting.


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